The Funniest Spam Comments I’ve Recieved

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Just joking. I receive my fair share of spam comments daily, but thanks to Akismet my little digital lair remains SPAM-free.

Some of the spam comments I receive actually make me laugh. To turn something repulsive such as spam commenting into something positive I’ve decided to showcase the funniest ones. If we can laugh about it we just might have turned something ugly into something quite positive, into a good laugh, a joke.

Number one

Username:“Issac Maez”
“Hello there! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading this post reminds me of my previous room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Many thanks for sharing!”

What I would have answered:

Well thank you Issac. It was great sharing an imaginary room with you. However delusions are unhealthy. I suggest checking in with a psychiatrist to get to the bottom of you mental delusions. Thanks for the nice comment.
Get well soon.

Number two

Username:“Rich Campa”
“With havin so much content do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright infringement? My blog has a lot of completely unique content I’ve either authored myself or outsourced but it looks like a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my permission. Do you know any methods to help reduce content from being stolen? I’d certainly appreciate it.”

What I would have answered:

Well thank you! I wouldn’t characterize 3 blog posts(at the time) as much content. Also, no I don’t have problem with “plagorism” as a matter of fact I don’t even know what that is. Thank you and have a good day!

Number three

Username:”Oakley Outlet”

“addition every person and every destroy”

What I would have answered:

WTISJNTFIT?!? (What in Sweet Jesus’s Name The Fuck Is This?) I hope he is not some kind of terrorist…

Number four

Username:“oakley garage rock sunglasses”
“Desperately been searching practically everywhere on info regarding this. Thanks a ton.”

What I would have answered:

Hey, thanks a million for the uplifting comment “oakley garage rock sunglasses“! As you can see I don’t have any ads on my site so I’m not doing it for the money but for the occasional comment and like. I appreciate every one of my commenters.
Thank you once again from the bottom of my heart ”oakley garage rock sunglasses” you sir (or maam?) just made my day!

Number five

Username:清潔服務公司

“Very superb info can be found on web site. “Wealth may be an ancient thing, for it means power, it means leisure, it means liberty.” by James Russell Lowell <link removed>”

What I would have answered:

Thanks for the heads up I will march right over to cleaningbuddies.com.hk and read about wealth. It’s peculiar choice for a frugal living, smart living blog but hey what the hell.
/Don’t click on that link unless you have an antivirus installed, you never know./

Number six

Username:“louis vuitton luggage”

“viewtopic.php?f= louis vuitton luggage <link removed>”

What I would have answered:

God gracious how could I have missed this! Your commentjust changed my life! I just need some time alone to sort all this out. WOW! One word. WOW!

Number seven

Username:“lousvuiton handbags”
“I am so grateful for your post.Thanks Again.”

What I would have answered:

Me too! Just as much or even more if it’s humanely possible.
Ms. Lous Vuiton(and your three-hundred and thirty five aliases) you are quite the frequent flye0r, with over 1354 comments in just over a month.
Love ,
SimonTheSorcerer

Number eight

Username:“adidas soccer shoes…”

“adidas soccer shoes…

I like the nike soccer shoes Concords as they are in many different colors as well as the various designs in appearance….”

What I would have answered:

Now here is a spammer, who doesn’t even know, what he is trying to sell. Make up your goddamn mind! It’s either nike soccer shoes or adidas soccer shoes. They are not the same!

Number nine

Username:“longchampsacs.com”
“Very descriptive article, I enjoyed that bit. Will there be a part 2?”

What I would have answered:

From this? Definitely! Mr. website.

Number ten

Username:“polo ralph lauren”

“That is really attention-grabbing, You are an overly skilled blogger. I have joined your feed and sit up for searching for more of your wonderful post. Additionally, I’ve shared your website in my social networks!”

I wish you wouldn’t do that. I just want to stay as far away from any social network you have infested as posible.

 

That’s it folks. I’m not even halfway trough my extensive spam collection so there will be more as I have a lot more spam to go trough. @for the spammers Are fucking serious? Do you think anyone would buy this? Anyone would click on it? Anyone would not delete these kind of comments? You gotta kidding me!

Sidenote: I listened to this while I wrote this. It’s the opening music of one of the Ghost in The Shell movies. Btw. the best anime series ever. I don’t know what kind of language is this and what the lyric is about but it is hauntingly beautiful.

2 Thoughts on “The Funniest Spam Comments I’ve Recieved

  1. Not sure if you want us to leave comments but here goes…the “great post, you must be a blogging genius” comments get a bit tedious after a while.

    One that I found pretty annoying is the one where they say there is a problem with your website in such and such browser…not only are they spamming you but if you take them seriously they are actually wasting your time.

    Then there is the one were they say all the other commenters must be brain dead. Not sure what they are trying to achieve here apart from get noticed but why would I want to insult my readers by publishing such a comment from “discount oakley sunglasses”
    Clare recently posted…Are You Craving The Next Sugar Rush ?My Profile

  2. invinciblewood on February 22, 2014 at 6:05 am said:

    Hi Simon, the Ghost in The Shell movies are Japanese anime. I am also a big fan of its story and music.
    i really had a great time reading through your interesting comments on spamming comments. just like you mentioned, we can turn those seemingly negative stuff into something positive. it’s all up to your attitude at the end of day.

    btw, how’s my English? I’m a Chinese and i really want to master English. so any comments on the language tips will be appreciated

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